sudden

staring at the wall of nowhere, i don't know what i am feeling but it's not that good..

what do i deserve?
is it a smile coming from my heart, the genuine smile that comes from my soul?
do i deserve that?
YES..


then why am i not smiling today?

olive..

I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin
I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
So come on, get higher, kissin my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the sweet
Perfect words that you said
I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on..
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works
Everything works in your arms

the princess

long time ago, there was once a princess lay in sorrow..she shreds tears again and again..sobbing more than twice a million..because her heart is always in vain, dried and broken, stabbed and ignored, abused and uncared for..

she was never been held tenderly in years..she's been beaten badly, hasn't even tasted more than a cupful of honey..

twas a long time ago, when the sun was covered by a shadow,never did the princess saw the bright of a starlight..but from that dark misery finally she might find her salvation, in his hands there might be no room for agony..

a sigh of relief, if the sky granted her wish..that someone she can share life's fervor and mystery..

now the princess lies in her daring moments, yet she doesn't know what lays ahead, but with the bravest heart..she just can't resist to take that risk..

sublime

written: 4/25/9 while i was bored to death..



sunshine kisses from the sun
warm breeze from the wind
serenity from the rain...

a hand to hold..
a lip to put your tongue in..
a shoulder to rest..

a smile..
a touch..
a hug..

delight
bliss
peace..

the fuzzy after glow
a kind heart..
the loving soul..


simple things still remains free...

hold me..hug me..rock me..

You hold me close naked...
Your zippers are the cherry, i feel everything..

Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms
and i prefer overweight than plastic any day..

Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me anyway
Your eyes are hazy, I can stare in them all day

I'll take your pants, you take my hair, and let us dance
And cheers to happy and depressed

Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me
Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me anyway..

I like the way you hold my hand..
The way you whisper my name..

Your breathe that gives me the chill
Your like my kyptonite..and I am Superman


I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by..
Taking this one step at a time..

Rock me until i bleed...
Hold me until I'm near you enough..
Until you are nothing but inches away..

miss jb..from 143 days ago..

i decided to post all the wonderful mails i got from my friends and here is one of them... and the thing above jaymie did that for me..i am blessed with wonderful people...



Theres people you miss, people you'd like to talk to from here on outtheres family you'll love for the rest of your lifebut then theres a passion in a certain kind of friendship, that if you missed out on, there would be no denying you'd be saddened for the rest of your life.

A friendship that, instantly a smile is set upon your face when you realise everything they ever wanted works out for them, theres no jealousy, theres no competition, no hate, this kind of friendship is extremeley hard to find, its when two people can care for each other through no matter what, and no matter how far, or how long they are apart, and im soooo glad i found a friendship like that with you!!!!
Karla, you are one of the most amazing people i've ever met.. you're beautiful inside, outside.. you're just altogether a beautiful soul.. and im thankful everyday that I get to be able to talk to someone as special as you, i'm so happy that we met on here, honestly.. you're amazing, I hope you never forget it, you make me feel special, you take time out of your day to show other people of how much you care, you're not selfish in the least bit, you're so sweet and caring, and anyone who passes your way wouldn't even be able to deny it.

Thank you for being there, thank you for making me smile and laugh, thank you for loving me just the way I amI'll say it again like i've said if before, i'll always be there for you! From your worst day to your best.<3>

untitle 22 * written june 2004*

In a modern culture

My friend you must be careful

Theyve a million ways to kill you

In this dangerous world

Theres an art to growing old

Taking chances

Magic happens

One mistakes all it takes

And your life has come undone

Walk away cause youre breaking up the girl

Its a drag

I know its hard

But youre tearing her apart

Don't let her down in the gutter...

poem...

i do not love you as if you were a salt rose or topaz

or the air

or the carnations that fire shoots off

i love you as certain dark things are to be loved

in secret between the shadow and the soul..

i love you without knowing why

or how

or when

or from where..


i love you straightforwardly

without complexities or pride

i love you because i know no other way than this..

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand..

so close that when you close your eyes i fall asleep..

...untitled 12

not all wounds are superficial.. most wounds run deeper than we can imagine, you can't see them with the naked eye..

then there are wounds that takes us by surprise..

but then the trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the injury and once you've found it... TRY LIKE HELL TO HEAL THAT SUCKER..

the masquerade ball

people sometimes pretend to be true..they pretend, i used to pretend but found out its not me anymore..i'm tired of showing to people how i value them since they seem to be not batting an eye about it.. it's as if sorrounded with politicians to be with me, help me but in the end will just leave me..that's why i never trust diplomacy..all they want is to talk but never really listens..they are like thieves planning to steal my trust and then will break my hopes, gently..artfully..well in my adult life i learned not to beg for affection, for sympathy and compassion..i learned to give when its reciprocal..i found a lot of selfish people ready to use me,ready to hurt me at my expense..my fragile, broken me..some pretends to be my friends but will suddenly stab me when i am not looking..some lies endlessly and it makes me sick to think that as always i've been decieved..but again i would always be there, slowly turning into someone i don't want to be..a numb soul standing and watching..it is sickening to the core and i know the wall would break soon and i would no longer give a shit even if they die..there's a lot of asses..different fabricated styles, helpless and needy..a need to make someone suffer, a need to feel that they are smarter than the other, that they are the best of everything, a need to tell others they are wrong just so they could think that they are right..helpless and pathetic when alone though..time goes by and i see how people try to lure me away and entrap me by false appearances..like them to wear a mask..you can never tell if they are wearing the mask of foolishness or not..they say be true to yourself..are they???what's the sense, i dont get it and i cannot stand it all these pretensions.. all these lies just because..but then we are living in a world where anybody can pretend..a world where you can act..it's a bunch of baloney to think of it but its just the way the cookie crumbles..but i will stand by my own..i will build fidelity to myself and not just for others..with that i will be able to find out whom my really friends are, who will stick like glue when i show them the real me..people are not only what they are, people are not only what they seem to be sometimes they are actors on a stage where everything is scripted..then when the curtains are down and darkness falls their true selves shows...