the masquerade ball

people sometimes pretend to be true..they pretend, i used to pretend but found out its not me anymore..i'm tired of showing to people how i value them since they seem to be not batting an eye about it.. it's as if sorrounded with politicians to be with me, help me but in the end will just leave me..that's why i never trust diplomacy..all they want is to talk but never really listens..they are like thieves planning to steal my trust and then will break my hopes, gently..artfully..well in my adult life i learned not to beg for affection, for sympathy and compassion..i learned to give when its reciprocal..i found a lot of selfish people ready to use me,ready to hurt me at my expense..my fragile, broken me..some pretends to be my friends but will suddenly stab me when i am not looking..some lies endlessly and it makes me sick to think that as always i've been decieved..but again i would always be there, slowly turning into someone i don't want to be..a numb soul standing and watching..it is sickening to the core and i know the wall would break soon and i would no longer give a shit even if they die..there's a lot of asses..different fabricated styles, helpless and needy..a need to make someone suffer, a need to feel that they are smarter than the other, that they are the best of everything, a need to tell others they are wrong just so they could think that they are right..helpless and pathetic when alone though..time goes by and i see how people try to lure me away and entrap me by false appearances..like them to wear a mask..you can never tell if they are wearing the mask of foolishness or not..they say be true to yourself..are they???what's the sense, i dont get it and i cannot stand it all these pretensions.. all these lies just because..but then we are living in a world where anybody can pretend..a world where you can act..it's a bunch of baloney to think of it but its just the way the cookie crumbles..but i will stand by my own..i will build fidelity to myself and not just for others..with that i will be able to find out whom my really friends are, who will stick like glue when i show them the real me..people are not only what they are, people are not only what they seem to be sometimes they are actors on a stage where everything is scripted..then when the curtains are down and darkness falls their true selves shows...